Encouragement For Those Suffering With Invisible Woman Syndrome

Have you ever heard of invisible woman syndrome? I knew it existed, but only recently discovered the name. No, it’s not the art of disappearing after an embarrassing moment with your kids. Or the power of the superheroine Marvel character, Invisible Woman,  who makes herself and her surroundings disappear when needed. The invisible woman syndrome isn’t as fun as all of that. It’s actually sad and frustrating.

I’m in my mid-forties and I’ve battled with some new feelings over the last year or two. I’ve experienced feelings of loneliness and isolation. I live with my husband, three kids and two dogs. I have many friends at church and out and a large extended family. But the feelings are there just the same. I feel like no one understands many of my most difficult experiences. No one realizes my pain of multiple losses. No one sees my struggle or my tears. I’m not saying there aren’t people who share similar experiences as me. I’m just saying that I often feel invisible and irrelevant. The busyness of life prevents me from visiting and sharing my feelings with good friends. It’s not their fault. It’s no one’s fault. It just is. There are few people really know how I feel or what I’m going through.

I’m sharing this because I don’t think that I’m the only one who feels this way. There are others who struggle with the invisible woman syndrome.

American culture offers a generous contribution to the invisible woman’s feelings. Unfortunately, the culture doesn’t value the aged in the same ways as other cultures. Many haven’t been taught to respect and love those who are older. So, naturally as a woman ages she begins to feel like her value has decreased. Traditionally men and women have been valued for specific reasons. While women have come a long way, most would agree that they still aren’t on an equal playing field with men. Generally, middle aged men are respected and aren’t judged by appearance. However, many middle-aged women would agree that they are often not heard or noticed. Society places great value on a woman’s appearance, which drastically changes in middle age. In addition, society questions a woman’s worth as her role as mom to young kids changes to mom of adults.

There are other cultural attitudes that can cause a woman to feel invisible. Marketing is geared toward younger buyers, leaving middle-aged women poorly represented in commercials and other media. The middle-aged woman is often unheard in management and other meetings. Many middle-aged women say they have received poor service at retail stores compared to male counterparts. And, personally I’ve noticed that my husband often gets better restaurant service than I do, even when we are sitting across from one another at the restaurant. I have sat with a totally empty drink, while he has two refills waiting! Now that I mention it, can you think of a time when a matured woman was somewhat invisible?

While the invisible woman syndrome mainly refers to women who are 45 or older, other women may also feel invisible from time to time. A woman of any age and any status may feel like her opinion isn’t important or that she’s irrelevant. She may feel unnoticed or unheard. There is a woman who feels like no one really knows her and another who feels like no one understands her. There is a woman who feels lost and confused and another who wonders if all of her hard work was worth it. There’s a woman who’s wondering what her next step is and another who wonders if she’s on the right path.

My heart breaks for all of these women and I wish I could hug every single woman who feels invisible. If I had the power, I would wave a magic wand and make those feelings disappear! But I don’t have that power. What I do have is encouraging truth.

The truth is that God loves you and He has a plan and purpose for you regardless at where you are in life.

In Genesis 16, there is a woman who felt invisible and irrelevant. Hagar was pregnant with Ishmael and ran from Sarai because Sarai had mistreated her. While in the wilderness, the Angel of the Lord found her and spoke with her. The Angel of the Lord gave Hagar some very specific information regarding her pregnancy and Ishmael’s future as well as instructions to return home. “So she called the Lord who spoke to her: El Roi, The God who Sees, for she said, ‘In this place, have I actually seen the One who sees me?’” (Gen. 16:13).

Invisible woman, God sees you too! You’re not invisible to Him! He saw everything Hagar was going through and He sees everything you and I are going through as well. God asked Hagar, “Where have you come from and where are you going?” (Gen. 16:8) and Hagar spilled the beans about her troubles. God asks you the same things. Where have you come from and where are you going? You are invited to tell God all of your troubles, cares and secrets. He’s asking, what’s been going on? He sees you and He knows that you often feel invisible and unheard. He sees you and He knows the unkindness of society. And He knows that you need to cast our burdens on Him.

Maybe, there was a time when you knew that God saw you. Maybe you felt His presence through a situation or He revealed something to you. Somehow, you knew He was there and saw you at that time. But you don’t know if He’s with you now or if He sees you. In Genesis 21, Hagar thought that God had forgotten her and Ishmael. Hagar assumed they were left to die, but God heard Ishmael’s cry. He saw them and He saved them. God continues to see you, even when you don’t see or feel Him. Lean into Him and allow Him to remind you of how precious and loved you are. You’re far from invisible to Him!

Coming Soon: Six tips to combat the invisible woman syndrome